Thinking out loud

The week has been full to overflowing, and my thoughts are sloshing around like water in a bucket so, taking a tip from a fellow blogger, I am going to simply share a list of questions on my mind today, and let you think about them too! Feel free to respond.

1. Why am I surprised when the moon, which has a strong enough pull to move the oceans, also makes
   
   kids crazy?
2. Wouldn't it be nice to know how to predict what will stay with your children and what will be forgotten?
3. How can we integrate more time with nature into everyone's lives? (This thought was provoked by the information that second grade students from Minneapolis and St. Paul just released 75,000 ladybugs in the Mall of America to help keep their plants aphid-free! I love the ideas of ladybugs at the mall!)
4. Why are great gifts of artistry so often accompanied by mental illness or addiction?
5. Do chicks pecking their way out of eggshells or plants bursting out of seeds suffer pain or discomfort? In other words, is all growth accompanied by pain?
6. How can we better control the power of the internalized expectation? (This is provoked by information from a study that says having a college fund, regardless of size, increases the likelihood of college graduation by 45%. We should figure out how to harness this power because we also know that if we expect failure we are also likely to get it!)
7. How do we stop being so "parochial"? Comparing the news reported by the BBC and the news reported by ABC makes me wonder if Nero's "bread and circuses" have arrived in the United States.
8. What do you call the mindset that is neither competitive nor collaborative? Perhaps the word does not exist because the mindset doesn't either? Are there implications for relationships in this?

Sorry for the half-baked ideas. Perhaps one of them will reach completion before next week! In the meantime, send me any insights this generates for you. I'd love to hear your thoughts, stories, or examples.

A Sense of Proportion

As I write this, it has been less than 24 hours since the explosions at the Boston Marathon finish line. The television has kept us abreast of every development, every story of heroism, every tragedy spelled out in gratuitous detail. What do we tell our kids about events such as these?

I was very touched by this meme that popped up all over Facebook almost immediately. I think Mrs. Rogers was a very wise woman. Reminding children to focus on the goodness going on in the midst of the terror helps them get a sense of proportion. There was a bad person who planted explosives at a race, but look at all the good people who are there to help! I think this is a great message to send to your kids. This will not, unfortunately, be the last time you will need to point this out to them. 

Remind them that we can do something to help too; we can pray, even when we are far away. And we can look for things to be thankful for in the midst of the disaster: the kindness of strangers, the emergency workers who know just what to do, the dogs who can find bombs, all the people who weren't harmed. Your list will be different from mine, but it will comfort you and your children to look for things to be grateful for in the midst of a tragedy.

Point out to your children that while this is the only thing on the news, there are many other things going on in the world at the same time. In this particular instance, one large event that went virtually ignored in the news was a major earthquake in Iran. The death toll is expected to exceed one hundred. Those people need our prayers every bit as much as the people of Boston. Help your child understand that the magnitude of media coverage is not a true indication of the importance of an event.

This is also a great time to talk about showing kindness to everyone. Acts of kindness will nearly always earn respect from most people. How many acts of violence are committed by people who have been scarred by abuse or bullying or neglect? If your child is popular, she has the power to influence others to be kind. If your child is picked on and bullied, it is important to help him learn to stand up for himself and to recognize that for every person who bullies him, there are far more who don't. Keeping a sense of proportion is vital. 

Lastly, be sure to model your faith in the midst of a frightening event. Pray with your child for the victims and emergency personnel. Pray for the "enemy." Talk about how we need not fear death because we know there is a new life beyond this one. Share what you believe. Tell your children what gives you courage and peace in hard times. God will use evil to bring good, and one of those good things is an opportunity to share your faith with your children. Faith, not the media, can establish a sense of proportion in the midst of the unthinkable.

Daddy Sang Bass. . .

Sitcoms are filled with references to how mothers influence their children but precious little attention is given to how dads influence their kids. Yet the marks dads leave, even if they are absent, are huge. Fatherly influence is important to both boys and girls and goes way beyond genetics. Here's a very small sampling of ways that fathers influence their children:

• Preschoolers with actively involved fathers have stronger verbal skills.
• Children tend to embrace the food preferences of their fathers.
• Children with actively involved fathers display fewer behavior problems in school.
• Girls with strong relationships with their fathers do better in mathematics.
• Fathers role model what it means to be an adult to adolescent sons.
• A father's presence or absence significantly impacts a child's security.
• Fathers who attend church regularly are more likely to see their children continue in the church as adults.
• A young girl's positive relationship with her father fosters better relationships in the workplace and with authority figures in adulthood.

Sounds like a very tall order! What is an actively involved father? How do we get all these benefits for our kids? Let me propose a ridiculously simple exercise to get you started: Sing in church!

Active participation in church means more than standing up and sitting down at the appropriate times. It means folding your hands and closing your eyes during the prayers, and encouraging your child to do the same. It means singing along with the hymns. Not all of you sing like Blake Shelton or Josh Groban. No problem. Just sing along as best you can, and you will get better. More importantly, your kids will want to sing with you. Reading along with your kids in the hymnal, whispering the meanings of words they don't know, or singing your favorite choruses in the car after church will make a big impression on them. When you don't sing along it says to them that you are not involved, and they will copy you.

What follows is a generalization that will not hold true in every family, but it is still worth thinking about. Most children spend significantly more time with their mothers than with their fathers. This makes a dad an object of greater mystery and interest than a mom who is far more available. Your kids are watching. Intently. They know what you do, and they imitate it.

My mother deliberately taught me a thousand things before I started school, including how to love my kids. My dad taught me to tie my shoes. Guess what I remember in exquisite detail? You got it! Learning to tie my shoes still ranks as a big achievement because it earned my dad's approval.

So sing to the Lord. Sing with gusto and enthusiasm, in tune or out. Sing out your wonder and awe at the amazing child entrusted to you by God Almighty. Someone is watching you.

We are Easter "Peep-le"

My older daughter, while in seminary, had the privilege of celebrating Passover with the family for whom she worked. As she shared her reflections on this ancient tradition, I couldn't help but wish that our Easter traditions were more about religious remembrance, and less about bonnets and bunnies. Yet, when I think back over the dozens of Easter celebrations of my life, I cannot do so without a smile. Joy is the order of the day on Easter and new life can be celebrated in so many ways. The trees and the wildflowers have burst into bloom, the birds are in a frenzy of nesting and mating, singing their hearts out as spring blows away the bleak and cold of the winter months. People too are coming out of homes where they have been sheltered for months, eager to open themselves to some warm sunshine, and it seems, to one another. The return of spring each year is a profound experience of resurrection, worthy of celebration.

There will be plenty of solemnity this week, especially on Friday, but the joy cannot be repressed. And the joy is the part of Easter that the children best understand. The children feel it on a primal level. The stirring of new life makes them almost giddy as the days grow longer and color bursts upon the earth. They may not understand death, but they understand life at its fullest, which may be the truest way to understand resurrection.

Several years ago a young pastor introduced the Easter Vigil to our congregation, and it seemed almost shocking to celebrate Easter late at night with fire and drums and remembrances of Old Testament stories we don't normally associate with Jesus and Easter. The service ends with a burst of light and noise and is soon followed by the popping of champagne corks and indulging in chocolate after the fast. It is a profoundly joyful experience - not to be missed if the opportunity presents itself.

In the face of all this, our most abiding family Easter tradition seems tacky and silly, yet the annual ritual never fails to bring smiles. I guess it can best be described as "blowing up the peeps." Take those little marshmallow confections, put them on a paper plate in the microwave, and heat them on high. Like marshmallows at a campfire, they will grow and grow and grow. And as they do they will morph into grotesque shapes that never fail to amuse the children watching. Well into college the children I have spent most Easters with continued the ritual, and the joyful laughter. 

Christ, through death and resurrection, came that we might have life, and have it abundantly. On this most profound day of our faith, let us rejoice, and share the joy with even the  youngest among us.

Forming Faith in the Kitchen

I believe that you can find God in the kitchen. Specifically, I believe that yeast may be the perfect metaphor for God - always present, working when the conditions are right, and always causing something new to arise. The more I learn about making bread, the more I learn about God.

I also recognize that making bread from scratch is a luxury few of us have the time for these days, much less repeating the task often enough to get really good at it. Still,  it's a great idea to take your kids into the kitchen occasionally and do something that gives you an opportunity to talk about God.

Here are two simplified Easter breads you can make with your children:

Hot Cross Buns 

traditionally eaten on Good Friday

Ingredients:

1 can refrigerated crescent rolls
1/3 cup raisins
1/4 cup powdered sugar
1 teaspoon milk

Directions:

Heat oven to 375°F. Spray 8 regular-size muffin cups with cooking spray.
Separate dough into 8 triangles. Spoon raisins evenly on narrow end of each triangle. Roll up to enclose filling and pinch dough to form a ball; press seams to seal. Place buns, seam side down, in muffin cups.

Bake 11 to 12 minutes or until golden. Remove from pan to cooling rack; cool at least 20 minutes.

In small bowl, mix powdered sugar and milk (icing will be thick). Spoon icing into small resealable food-storage plastic bag. Cut off tiny corner of bag; squeeze bag to pipe icing in cross shape on top of each cooled bun.


Resurrection Rolls
for Easter morning - they will be empty inside!

Ingredients:

1/4 cup sugar
2 Tablespoons flour
1 teaspoon cinnamon
2 cans refrigerated crescent rolls
16 large marshmallows
1/4 cup butter, melted

Directions:

Heat oven to 375°F. Spray 16 medium muffin cups with cooking spray. In small bowl, mix granulated sugar, flour and cinnamon.

Separate dough into 16 triangles. For each roll, dip 1 marshmallow into melted butter; roll in sugar mixture. Place marshmallow on shortest side of triangle. Roll up, starting at shortest side and rolling to opposite point. Completely cover marshmallow with dough; firmly pinch edges to seal. Dip 1 end in remaining butter; place butter side down in muffin cup.

Bake 12 to 15 minutes or until golden brown.


Your child will remember these as very special treats. They will probably be disappointed as adults to learn that they aren't as good as they remembered, but the time spent with you in the kitchen is what will make them taste so good. So make a little time to bake, and chat a bit about God and the true meanings of Easter while you wait for things to bake and cool a bit. You can have them help with the dishes too!

From Plate to Planet

Last Monday the Los Angeles public schools joined a global movement. The movement is called Meatless Monday. Each week the school district will skip meat and serve an alternative form of protein for lunch on Mondays. Students can always bring a turkey sandwich from home, but they won't find one for sale at school.

This is one of those teachable moments that occurs from time to time and provides families with opportunities for rich conversation about faith and life and choices. It's a news story that lets us talk about stewardship in the broadest possible terms.

Originally launched by the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health ten years ago, and now endorsed by at least 20 other schools of public health, today Meatless Monday is a movement active in 23 countries, There are many positive reasons for giving up meat one day each week. In utterly random order, here are some of the benefits of eating less meat:

• It's good for your body! Less meat translates into less heart disease, cancer, and diabetes.
• It costs less. Eating meatless will stretch your food dollar.
• Fewer animals are killed and raised on factory farms.
• It's a good way to reduce the calories and fats in your diet.
• It saves water. Did you know that it takes 600 gallons of water to produce a single hamburger patty?
• You will avoid drugs. Hormones, antibiotics, and preservatives are all added to your meat.
• Grain can feed more people around the world than meat. 
• Eating less meat reduces global warming. It takes a lot of energy to transport meat products and keep them cool.

Most of us have opinions and convictions about "stewardship." For some of us stewardship is all about money, for others it has become an all-encompassing mission. We are to care for all that God has given us: our health, our bodies, our talents, our finances, and even our neighbors and our planet.

So imagine with your child what he or she would do if the school cafeteria went meatless on Mondays. Would he or she pack a sandwich or go with the school lunch? Should we try this out as a family? Why or why not? What's your favorite meal that doesn't contain meat? How much money did we spend on meat last week at the grocery store? What could we do with the money we could save by eating meat two or three fewer times each week? How much does that add up to over a year?

Meatless Mondays have the potential to be profound acts of thanksgiving. They underscore the fast before feast concept I talked about a few weeks back. I gave it a try on Monday and it was incredibly easy! I didn't suffer a bit. My ordinary breakfast of cereal is always meatless. My lunchtime cream of broccoli soup was delicious, and my suppertime pasta was very satisfying. Give it a try, and let me know what you think!

P.S. You can find recipes and learn a lot more about Meatless Mondays at their website.

Desserts in the Desert

Chocolate cake, apple pie, ice cream, banana pudding, peach cobbler. . . what's your favorite dessert? For most of my adult life dessert has been a special occasion thing, not a course at every dinner. So when I was recently dragged into a conversation between a 7-year-old and her mom about the merits of daily dessert, I sorely disappointed the young one who was hoping to find an ally in this ongoing debate.

I know a lot of people who are giving up chocolate or sweets or dessert for 40 days. Some of them are painfully aware of the sacrifice. Some are taking advantage of the Sunday loophole and eating the forsworn item only on Sundays. A few probably don't actually miss it but can at least say they kept the fast when Easter rolls around.

So what place does the sweet stuff occupy in your life? In your child's life? Do you threaten to take away dessert if a child won't eat his peas? Do you bribe her to eat her peas with the promise of a treat? What would happen to your meals if sugar was suddenly rationed as it was during World War II? Given all the passion devoted to condemning Mayor Bloomberg for his position on banning the 32-ounce soda option, I'm guessing there would be a lot of serious withdrawal pain.

We who live in American abundance take the availability of sweets for granted and so do not live with them mindfully. As a result, we have a lot of unintended negative consequences: obesity, mixed messages, diabetes, insensitive palettes, and lack of appreciation for the more natural flavors of food. I don't pretend to know what your family should do about sweets. There are so many factors to consider: what your family traditions are, what your family likes, how strong your teeth are :), and how much you like to bake together. I definitely think that there is a place for sweet stuff in every life, if it brings you pleasure. 

Like all good things, sweet stuff like honey, sugar, chocolate, and sweet potatoes come from God; they are freely given, and meant to be enjoyed. Like the great gift of love the Father gave us in Jesus, we don't have to earn it; it is given with no strings attached. As I consider the great gift of Jesus in these Lenten days, I cannot escape the immense wonder of such a love as this. The more I contemplate it, the more I appreciate the completeness of the gift, and the love of the giver. I suspect that the gift of sweets would likewise be enhanced by deliberately savoring it; so perhaps the occasional sugar fast, or saving dessert for special occasions would give us greater enjoyment of the treat, and also of the other flavors of our lives. If you love the sweet stuff, give thanks! All acts of gratitude and mindfulness draw us closer to God.