Stuff & Non-Sense

I am sifting through my belongings these days, filtering them with the question "Do I love this enough to pay to move it?" Since I don't know if or when I'll be moving, I am a bit indecisive on many things, but adamantly certain about others, and those are going out the door.

There is something in all of us that makes us as acquisitive as magpies. It starts early. Nearly every child has a security object of some sort: a beloved blanket, a particular stuffed animal, a favorite pacifier, a possession that reassures her that all is right with the world. Every parent has tales of sneaking the filthy object into the washing machine while the child sleeps, hoping to avoid the restless, tearful, anxiety-ridden hour that the lovey is out of his hands.

If only it could stop with that single object. The security blanket is an irrational selection, made without language or even much memory. It is a purely sensory choice. Stories abound of parents who have tried to have two or three of the object, just in case, only to have the newer, cleaner object rejected with scorn. Still, managing and housing that single object is a relatively simple task, but only the first of the many layers of stuff you will acquire with your children.

After the objects loved for their sensory value come the objects beloved for their familiarity. The endless list of favored place mats, particular tee-shirts, and oft-read bedtime stories occupy space in a parent's data base of things that make a child happy. As children grope for some small measure of control in a world that, from their point of view, is constantly expanding, familiar objects give them a place to focus, a way to re-orient themselves when things are constantly shifting.

At some point some object will become saturated with a particular memory and then become impossible to part with: a lucky talisman, a gift from a special someone, a piece of clothing worn on a particularly memorable occasion. These items multiply over the years and can accumulate to alarming proportions. I know from personal experience that every one of the hundred stuffed animals a couple of kids can accumulate over ten years has a back story. "I won that kitty at the school carnival in second grade. Amanda gave me that for my ninth birthday. Grandma brought that when I had the chicken pox." You might swear you've never laid eyes on the object before, but your child remembers each one individually.

Next comes the collection phase, where your child fixates on a particular item and accumulates as many variations of the item as possible. Coins, stamps, pens, bottle caps, baseball cards, the possibilities are endless. And there is such joy each time another piece of the collection is acquired that even after the child loses interest, neither you nor she is willing to get rid of the collection.

There is no sense to this attachment to stuff. There are a few special people who can hold it all in check, but most of us are drowning in our stuff. And all of this is layered upon the stuff we actually need - dishes and screwdrivers and shoes.

The effect of our stuff on our relationships is probably the place where faith intersects this question. We come into this world attached only to our mothers, and we leave it attached only to God. No possession can replace relationship. If we are followers of Jesus, we follow a leader who lived simply, unencumbered by the responsibilities of stuff. We follow a leader who lived a life rich with relationships: a deep attachment to God, a core group of close friends, and many, many casual yet caring encounters with people he healed and loved and taught. Does your stuff make sense in the context of your faith journey? Does your stuff block your child's view of your faith life? Does your stuff make sense, or is it nonsense? 

It's NOT That Complicated

I think Albert Einstein may have generated more of my favorite quotes than any other source besides Jesus. One of my very favorites is: "If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough." In matters of faith, "this is most certainly true" (to quote another favorite genius, Martin Luther.) I have heard people explain very complicated ideas to children in a way that they can understand. Games, pictures, Legos, food, pets, relationships can all be used to explain things to kids. Experiential Learning - learning by doing. Did you learn anything about monopolies by playing the game? Have you ever heard someone explain architecture in terms of Jenga or Legos? Children learn by doing.

So parents, if you are having trouble explaining faith to your child, maybe you don't understand it well enough. Maybe the faith you had when you left middle school hasn't been taken out, dusted off, and test driven for a long time. So when your child parrots what he learned in Sunday School, "Let's pray about it, Ms. _______ says that God will listen to our prayers!", you may feel uncomfortable. You may not know how to respond, or you may even undermine what your child has learned. Why not simply take that worthy piece of advice, sit down with your child, and pray about it? Even if prayer is your normal habit, you may be surprised by what happens next!

As many of you know, I am in process of a job search. Last week I got a call inviting me to come in for a face-to-face interview in another state. A state where I don't know a single soul, have only driven across, and one that is different from both the Midwest and Texas where I have spent most of my life. So I reverted to the simplest formula I knew: I prayed. I told God that I was afraid. I told God that I would go if it that was the plan, but couldn't I please go somewhere where I knew someone? Guess what happened next. Yep, I crossed paths with someone. She isn't just from the state, or the metro area, or even the town. She lives two blocks from the church where I will be interviewing, and we already have many things in common. In a crowd of 6,000 people, I met the one person who was the answer to my prayers.

Dust off those most basic tools of faith and put them to use. Prayer is a good place to start because you can easily do it with your children. Give thanks, ask forgiveness, pray for people who need things, and ask God for guidance in your own life. Don't forget to pray for the pets. It will help you pass on faith to your children. Keep track of your prayers and it will help you increase your trust in God. It's really not that complicated. 

Rites of Passage

Last Sunday,  I got to stand in for a friend as her daughter Ellen had her senior pictures taken. The young woman in question is lovely, and the photographer took us to a busy street and a quiet park for two very charming sets of pictures. It struck me that even in this day and age when young people are posting or messaging or tweeting pictures of themselves nearly every day, they still find marking this particular juncture in their lives important enough so set aside time, hire a professional, and do their best to fix themselves in this moment in history.

For this young women, and most of the other young people I know, graduating from High School will not be the highest honor of their lives. Nor will getting married, the only other time most of them will pay to have their picture taken. They will have higher degrees and make important contributions to community or business or family or some other institution. Yet we and they feel it is necessary to mark this particular moment as special. I wonder why.

Is it because of the potential we see in them? They stand poised to leap in a direction yet unknown and the world is theirs for the taking. They have not started down a career path; almost the entire spectrum of possible occupations is open to them. Is it because we are getting a glimmer of what is to come: the first signs of complex thinking, talents beginning to emerge and converge in interesting ways? I have been rolling this over in my mind for several days now and have reached a somewhat un-profound conclusion:

We treasure this moment because it represents HOPE.

Hope is one of those things that keep us going. In the midst of news of increasing temperatures, crime rates, and cost-of-living and decreasing family stability, safety, and ability to predict the future, it is refreshing to gaze upon these young people and imagine what they will become. Hope that this young person, who only a year ago needed to be transported from place to place by an adult, can now begin to take care of herself, and her own needs. Hope that she can navigate to a place of joy, a place with meaningful work and relationships and dreams. Hope for the best. It makes me smile to realize that as a culture we mark the moments of greatest hope with professional photos: babies, high school seniors, brides and grooms.

Jeremiah 29:11 says: For surely I know the plans I have for you,says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope." In this rite of passage, God, the adults, and most young people are of one accord. That's a good reason to keep on marking this milestone!

MGM - Take Me Away

When my girls were younger and still spending their summers at home, we liked to pick a theme for a summer "film festival." We would would pick a theme, director, or series and watch all the movies over the course of the summer break. This morning I ran across a list of 50 movies from 50 states that sounded like a fun armchair vacation for this summer. I've already seen and enjoyed about half of these, and several of them are not family fare, but it reminded me of how much fun we had watching movies together as a family. Maybe your family can have a film festival too!

So, here's the list, in alphabetical order by state. I'm thinking of watching them as if this were a road trip, starting in Texas and heading East, West, or North. Or maybe I will put them in order according to the year they were made. Or maybe in alpha order by movie title. That's probably not important.  I'll post a note or two about each one, in case you're interested. So - here they are, courtesy of Mark Demming at Movie Talk (Yahoo):

Alabama - To Kill a Mockingbird

Alaska - Insomnia

Arizona - Raising Arizona

Arkansas - Sling Blade

California - American Graffiti

Colorado - The Shining

Connecticut - Far From Heaven

Delaware - Fight Club

Florida - Magic Mike

Georgia - Gone With the Wind

Hawaii - From Here to Eternity

Idaho - Napoleon Dynamite

Illinois - The Blues Brothers

Indiana - Hoosiers

Iowa - Field of Dreams

Kansas - Winchester 73 

Kentucky - Coal Miner's Daughter

Louisiana - Interview with the Vampire

Maine - Shawshank Redemption

Maryland - Diner

Massachusetts - The Town

Michigan - Gran Torino

Minnesota - Purple Rain 

Mississippi - Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

Missouri - Waiting for Guffman

Montana - A River Runs Through It

Nebraska - Election

Nevada - Oceans Eleven

New Hampshire - What About Bob?

New Jersey - Atlantic City

New Mexico - High Noon

New York - Manhattan

North Carolina - Bull Durham

North Dakota - Fargo 

Ohio - Heathers

Oklahoma - The Outsiders 

Oregon - One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Pennsylvania - Ground Hog Day

Rhode Island - Me, Myself, and  Irene

South Carolina - Glory

South Dakota - Dances with Wolves

Tennessee - Nashville

Texas - Giant

Utah - 127 Hours

Vermont - Dead Poets Society

Virginia - Donnie Darko

Washington - Singles

West Virginia - We Are Marshall

Wisconsin - Lars and the Real Girl

Wyoming - Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

My normal blogging will resume next week, though it may be heavily influenced by this endeavor!

Inquiring Minds

Today I stumbled over a word that seemed new, but may have just been forgotten. I hope it was forgotten because I certainly should have encountered it somewhere in all my studies around education

and learning. The word was autodidact. It means self-taught.

Most of us have taught ourselves to do something: to cook, to change the oil in the car, o to hook up an electronic something or other. We struggle, read, try some more, watch a video, call a friend for advice, and in the end usually accomplish what we are hoping to do. We probably weren't trying to become a professional; more likely, something sparked our interest. We wanted to be able to fix a favorite dish, save a few bucks, or be able to listen to the stereo out on the patio. And our desire to know turned us into autodidacts. We wanted to know, so we explored; not in a classroom, but following our own interest down the path, occasionally doubling back to learn some fundamental principle or skill necessary to understanding or accomplishing our goal.

Some things can only be self-taught. Faith is one of those things. We have to try living by faith in order to master it. And we won't get it right every time. We will falter, and fail. We will come close and then chicken out. We will sometimes have to fake it till we make it. Our children will not learn their faith from us. They will teach it to themselves.

So if our children will teach themselves faith, what role do parents play in a child's faith life?  The most important one of all: parents are the match that starts the fire!

• We generate their interest by being people of faith. 
• We model our faith for them - day in and day out. 
• We encourage them in their exploration (even when it goes places that make us nervous, like places with altar calls or infant baptism or even to other world religions.) 
• We support their interest, just as we support their interest in soccer, or dancing, or Star Wars. 
• We look for opportunities for them to explore. 
• We enroll them in programs that will increase their knowledge and expose them to other role models, 
• We give them opportunities to learn about the fundamentals of faith and encourage them to keep going when they don't have the passion they started with to fuel their exploration. 

Are you up to it? Sooner or later your child will become curious about what you believe. Will what you tell them match what they already know about you?  Go to any youth or education ministry conference and you'll hear the phrase "Faith is caught, not taught." Will your child be exposed enough to catch it? Will they catch on fire and want to explore faith for themselves? If not, maybe you need to look around for someone whose faith inspires you. We all need role models; we all need inspiration; and we all need to keep our faith alive in a way that inspires our children.  I don't know where your faith or love or curiosity will take you, but God does and with God's help you'll teach yourself what you need to know!

Introvert/Extrovert

My book club read a powerful book this month. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain is a fascinating treatise on how American culture values extroverted people significantly more than introverted people and how that plays out in our society. The author makes a strong case that this is a big mistake. (You can hear Susan Cain give a brief overview of her findings in her TED Talk.) The women who gathered to discuss the book were split between introverts and extroverts six to four. When everyone in the group is present we are nearly evenly divided but clearly the introverts were excited to talk about this book! As they spoke it became increasingly obvious how much they related to the author's words and how misunderstood, undervalued, or out of place they sometimes felt.

As the discussion continued we noted that many of us had both kinds of children and the extroverts in the group clearly felt that they understood their extroverted children better than their introverted children, while the introverted mothers felt they understood their extroverted child(ren) well but were sometimes exhausted by them.

This is a rich fountain of the kinds of ideas on family and faith dynamics that fascinate me and I have been thinking about it a lot. Here are a few things I think parents might want to know:

• Introverts and extroverts are both created in the image of God. 
• If you are an extroverted parent raising an introverted child, get thee to Amazon and buy this book. You will appreciate a look at life from the other side.
• Your child's feelings about public speaking have nothing to do with their intro- or extro- version.
• Both types of children need lots of reassurance that they are valuable but your introverted child may need more of that from you because they get less of it elsewhere.
• We are part of a society that values how things look. Make sure you look past the presentation to the content when dealing with your children - sometimes the most grandly presented speech is completely devoid of any meaningful content while the low-key and simply presented speech can be filled with profound observations.
• Don't feel that you have to fill up every silence. Leave room for the less talkative (more introverted) child to offer a topic of conversation that interests him or her.
• Jesus may be the only true ambivert (a person perfectly balanced between being an extrovert and an introvert.)
• Help your child learn to live out their own extroversion or introversion, and help them to appreciate the gifts of their friends and siblings who are the opposite.

One more way to look at God's amazing creation! Every creature unique, and gifted for the life of the world. Can you imagine the possibilities as you look at your child?

God is good - all the time!

My Presbyterian friends frequently bring a group together by announcing that "God is good", and everyone responds, enthusiastically, "All the time." That about sums up my point of view this morning.

This week has been one of significant change for me. On Tuesday I learned that my job of eleven years is being eliminated in a restructuring of our congregation. Heartbreaking news as I have felt deep joy and purpose in this position. Shocking news as I was completely unprepared to hear it. I have been sad, and mad, a lot this week and will no doubt go down those roads again in the months to come, but in the midst of it I was surprised to discover that I am not afraid. In fact, as the days go by, I find that I am beginning to look forward to the challenges of tackling a new job, perhaps even in a new place. In the middle of the shock and sadness, hope pokes up a green shoot, a promise of something new being born.

It has also been a week of blessing for me. I have been blessed by a tremendous outpouring of support and love. My phone, email account, and Facebook page have been filled with messages of love, appreciation, support, and promises of prayers. I feel like I have not wasted my time or effort, that what I have been giving my time and energy for mattered to a lot of people, that it wasn't wasted. That's more than a nice feeling; it's a huge blessing.

While I was fortunate to be born a cock-eyed optimist, I know that my confidence in the face of this change is rooted in faith. Faith that God has never failed me in the past, and will never fail me, ever. I am so grateful that I had parents who tended the roots of my faith with great care. Parents who pointed out repeatedly the ways that they saw God at work in me and in my life. Who regularly reminded me that with God, all things are possible. I hope that I have done as much for my children. I hope you are doing this for yours.

This is not my first rodeo. I have had my world unexpectedly rocked before, and probably will again. Faith, hope, and love abide through the grace of our most loving God. So I continue to float in the waters of my baptism down an unknown river to an unknowable new future. Never alone and well aware that God is good! 

All the time!