We are Easter "Peep-le"

My older daughter, while in seminary, had the privilege of celebrating Passover with the family for whom she worked. As she shared her reflections on this ancient tradition, I couldn't help but wish that our Easter traditions were more about religious remembrance, and less about bonnets and bunnies. Yet, when I think back over the dozens of Easter celebrations of my life, I cannot do so without a smile. Joy is the order of the day on Easter and new life can be celebrated in so many ways. The trees and the wildflowers have burst into bloom, the birds are in a frenzy of nesting and mating, singing their hearts out as spring blows away the bleak and cold of the winter months. People too are coming out of homes where they have been sheltered for months, eager to open themselves to some warm sunshine, and it seems, to one another. The return of spring each year is a profound experience of resurrection, worthy of celebration.

There will be plenty of solemnity this week, especially on Friday, but the joy cannot be repressed. And the joy is the part of Easter that the children best understand. The children feel it on a primal level. The stirring of new life makes them almost giddy as the days grow longer and color bursts upon the earth. They may not understand death, but they understand life at its fullest, which may be the truest way to understand resurrection.

Several years ago a young pastor introduced the Easter Vigil to our congregation, and it seemed almost shocking to celebrate Easter late at night with fire and drums and remembrances of Old Testament stories we don't normally associate with Jesus and Easter. The service ends with a burst of light and noise and is soon followed by the popping of champagne corks and indulging in chocolate after the fast. It is a profoundly joyful experience - not to be missed if the opportunity presents itself.

In the face of all this, our most abiding family Easter tradition seems tacky and silly, yet the annual ritual never fails to bring smiles. I guess it can best be described as "blowing up the peeps." Take those little marshmallow confections, put them on a paper plate in the microwave, and heat them on high. Like marshmallows at a campfire, they will grow and grow and grow. And as they do they will morph into grotesque shapes that never fail to amuse the children watching. Well into college the children I have spent most Easters with continued the ritual, and the joyful laughter. 

Christ, through death and resurrection, came that we might have life, and have it abundantly. On this most profound day of our faith, let us rejoice, and share the joy with even the  youngest among us.

Desserts in the Desert

Chocolate cake, apple pie, ice cream, banana pudding, peach cobbler. . . what's your favorite dessert? For most of my adult life dessert has been a special occasion thing, not a course at every dinner. So when I was recently dragged into a conversation between a 7-year-old and her mom about the merits of daily dessert, I sorely disappointed the young one who was hoping to find an ally in this ongoing debate.

I know a lot of people who are giving up chocolate or sweets or dessert for 40 days. Some of them are painfully aware of the sacrifice. Some are taking advantage of the Sunday loophole and eating the forsworn item only on Sundays. A few probably don't actually miss it but can at least say they kept the fast when Easter rolls around.

So what place does the sweet stuff occupy in your life? In your child's life? Do you threaten to take away dessert if a child won't eat his peas? Do you bribe her to eat her peas with the promise of a treat? What would happen to your meals if sugar was suddenly rationed as it was during World War II? Given all the passion devoted to condemning Mayor Bloomberg for his position on banning the 32-ounce soda option, I'm guessing there would be a lot of serious withdrawal pain.

We who live in American abundance take the availability of sweets for granted and so do not live with them mindfully. As a result, we have a lot of unintended negative consequences: obesity, mixed messages, diabetes, insensitive palettes, and lack of appreciation for the more natural flavors of food. I don't pretend to know what your family should do about sweets. There are so many factors to consider: what your family traditions are, what your family likes, how strong your teeth are :), and how much you like to bake together. I definitely think that there is a place for sweet stuff in every life, if it brings you pleasure. 

Like all good things, sweet stuff like honey, sugar, chocolate, and sweet potatoes come from God; they are freely given, and meant to be enjoyed. Like the great gift of love the Father gave us in Jesus, we don't have to earn it; it is given with no strings attached. As I consider the great gift of Jesus in these Lenten days, I cannot escape the immense wonder of such a love as this. The more I contemplate it, the more I appreciate the completeness of the gift, and the love of the giver. I suspect that the gift of sweets would likewise be enhanced by deliberately savoring it; so perhaps the occasional sugar fast, or saving dessert for special occasions would give us greater enjoyment of the treat, and also of the other flavors of our lives. If you love the sweet stuff, give thanks! All acts of gratitude and mindfulness draw us closer to God.

Eat, Drink, and Be Merry

. . . for tomorrow we fast.

It's Mardi Gras time in New Orleans, Carnaval in Brazil: a time of wild outrageous fun, or dark evil debauchery, depending on how you look at it. Strange as it may seem, this wild event grew out of the Christian tradition of fasting during the 40-day season of Lent leading up to Easter. Mardi Gras is French for Fat Tuesday, or one last fling before the fasting begins. A less exuberant celebration, Shrove Tuesday, marks the beginning of fasting by eating pancakes, and thus using up the rich eggs and butter in the larder before the Lenten fast. In many parts of the United Kingdom, there are wonderful Pancake Day celebrations that seem much more child-friendly than Carnaval or Mardi Gras. There are even pancake races at the National Cathedral (pictured above.) For full video go to YouTube.

When I was growing up we ate pancakes on Shrove Tuesday. In recent years my church has had a "Mardi Gras Pancake Breakfast" for children and parents on the Sunday before Ash Wednesday. We borrow from both traditions, serving pancakes, making masks, handing out beads, and ending with a parade, marching and singing "When the Saints Go Marching In." All of these various celebratory activities are designed to prepare us to fast during the season of Lent.

Why fast? What is to be gained from denying ourselves something that we like? Why fast during Lent? Tradition? Guilt? Repentance? Fasting is mentioned in both the Old and New Testaments. Lots of our favorite Biblical heroes fasted; Moses, David, Esther, Elijah, Jesus, and Paul all fasted. Should you? I don't know!

For me, the practice of giving up something for Lent (or its corollary, taking up something for Lent) has been a good one. It is always surprising what insights flow from the practice. It is humbling to find how little self-discipline I have. It helps me stay focused on how greatly loved I am as we move toward Good Friday. My small sacrifice in no way mimics the great sacrifice Jesus made, but each uncomfortable moment reminds me to think on Jesus' wondrous love. Hopefully, those frequent reminders make me look for ways to love those around me, remind me to carry on the work that Jesus began.

My "sacrifice" for this year is a small one. I am going to forgo eating out for the 40 days and give away the money I save. It will be inconvenient. It will mean forgoing an outing or two with friends or coworkers. I hope that each time I am faced with the temptation to grab a taco or a burger that I will remember all that was done for me. And rejoice in the love that has been showered upon me, and with good cheer, reach out in love to someone in need.

And next Tuesday, I'm definitely going to have a Mardi Gras lunch at a favorite restaurant. It is also good to celebrate this abundant life we have received!

First World Problems

About a year ago I ran into the phrase "First World Problem". The first time I heard it I wasn't even sure what it meant but it kept cropping up and the meaning eventually became clear: A First World Problem is a problem only for people who live in a country with a stable economy, sufficient food, and the luxury of a lifestyle, not just a life. One clever blogger has compiled a list of examples. Here are a few youthful ones I gleaned from http://first-world-problems.com/:

• "I went to go babysit for an hour and the kids didn't know what their own wi-fi password was."
• "I don't have enough chips for my dip, but if I open another packet of chips, I won't have enough dip for my chips."
• "I put a bandaid on my thumb and now I can only text with one hand."

Obviously, none of these "problems" is really a problem but each is an example of either a complete lack of awareness of the luxury we take for granted or an entitlement problem that will eventually undermine a whole generation of people.

As we teach our children about money, it is vitally important that we make sure that they understand the privileged status of their lives. What we take for granted on an average day is far beyond what billions of the people in the world can ever imagine. Wherever you may be on the American spectrum, you have significantly more than the majority of your fellow citizens of Planet Earth. Knowing this fact is essential to your children's ability to handle their money. It impacts everything from food supply to fuel consumption. It will also deeply impact their faith life. 

This is the biggest First World Problem. It is hard to learn to trust God when we have so much. Jesus comments about how wealth can be an obstacle to faith. He says that "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven." The wealth we enjoy in this country, even during the current "hard times," is so far removed from the poverty of the rest of the planet that we forget that life itself is a gift from God. Gratitude is lost in the midst of plenty. We fail to see the blessing of the cup of clean water that flows from our taps. We fail to see the abundance of food that fills our pantry shelves. We worry about the high cost of college while others worry about the high cost of milk. 

No matter how hard we work, or how well we manage our money, our financial status in the world has a lot to do with the fact of where we live. We have so much because we are blessed to live in the richest country in the world. We are blessed. We may be hard workers; we may be smart; we may be wise money managers but all good gifts come from God. Our life, our way of life, and life itself is a gift from God.

There are many more tactics for teaching kids about money, but this is the most important one: be grateful. Model gratitude. Encourage gratitude. Live gratitude. Spend, save, and share from a place of gratitude; we have more than we need. Thank you God!

Generous Kids

Every baby with Cheerios in front of him will try to feed some to his caregiver. And most adults, even the most fastidious, will eat a squishy, sticky, Cheerio offered by a child because the purity of the child's generosity is so enchanting.

That generosity is short-lived. It is usually followed by the MINE stage of development - where the words no and mine are the most frequently used words in the child's vocabulary. What comes after that stage has a lot to do with the child's perception of the world. If the child believes the world to be abundant, filled with plenty, then he will revert to his innate generosity. If he has formed a belief that scarcity is the way of the world, he will be less generously inclined. Most of us want our child's character to include generosity. So how do we help our kids see the abundance God showers upon us each day? Pretty much the same way we teach most things. . .

Model Generosity: Be generous in front of your kids. Buy the feed-the-hungry coupons at the grocery store check-out. Bring canned goods to food drives. Offer to help your neighbor carry in the groceries. Babysit for friends. Give money at church. Give away outgrown toys and clothing. Volunteer your time. Make giving an on-going activity, and not just a Christmas season feel good exercise.

Live Gratefully:  Express gratitude whenever you are conscious of your blessings. Give thanks at mealtime and bedtime, or anytime it seems appropriate. Talk about whether you are lucky or blessed when something good happens. Mention God's goodness whenever you can.

Reinforce the quality you desire: Yes, it is ok to reward generous behavior! If you see your child behaving generously, tell her how happy it makes you feel. Give her a cuddle and some special attention. Let her tell you how she felt when she acted generously.

Diminish the undesirable behavior: Our youth group has a rule about how we treat one another. If you put someone down, you have to immediately correct yourself by saying three nice things. This is a great idea for addressing selfish behavior too: every selfish act could be corrected by three random acts of kindness. It reinforces the idea that you believe kids are capable of being unselfish while making them think twice about being self-centered.

Teach them to set money aside: Remember the 80-10-10 rule in last week's post? Teach them to calculate 10% as soon as they learn place values in math. Make setting aside 10% a non-negotiable before they ever get used to spending 90 or 100% and they won't question is when they are older. And with that, we come full circle: model setting aside 10% for the purpose of giving it away. . .

I read an interesting idea once. The writer said that God's abundance is like the blood in your body. There is exactly enough for your whole body as long as it keeps circulating and is nourished. When it gets stopped up somewhere, or cut off from some part, there is a problem. Teach your kids to be part of the solution, not the problem.

Summer Lovin'

Spring and summer collided yesterday, with a hot, rainy, sunny, breezy, something-for-everyone kind of day. I, a decidedly indoor kind of person, was out in it as my church hosted a block party. And the crazy-wonderful weather only enhanced the event. There we were - people from the neighborhood, people from the church, people from all over the world - gathered to listen to music played by our house band, a Liberian band, an Indonesian band, and a one-man-band from Puerto Rico. Kids were playing soccer on a nearby patch of grass. Sausages were cooking on the grill. It was a nice way to kick off summer.

East met "west" last weekend as I became acquainted with the family and friends of my almost-son-in-law in Maryland. I haven't spent much time on the East coast and was charmed by our nation's capital and the people I met there. I was struck by how lush everything was; not what I expected at all, and a wonderful respite from the Texas drought. Everyone involved loved the bride or groom, which, like the music at the block party, drew us together. It was a really nice way to kick off their new family.

At Vacation Bible School last week, kids from our church, our neighborhood, and their friends and cousins from all over the place gathered to learn about the Sower and the Seed. It seems the Sower is busy - planting everywhere. Not just where there is a guarantee of success, but everywhere. Some seeds struggle in rocky shallow soil, with barely any roots, but still stretching upward. Other seeds grow in spite of thorny, clinging and clawing weeds that try to hold them back, while others are carried off by birds to eventually grow in soil that may be rocky or thorny or nourishing. Some seeds land in good soil and produce in abundance.

It seems that, in the end, we all had the same beginning. Some of us were blessed to be born into families that are good soil, rich in nutrients, with sunlight and water plentiful. Some of us are born into families where the soil is rocky, where the stuff we need to grow is hard to come by, yet somehow, against the odds, we rise toward the sun. Others of us have to fight from the first day as weeds of mental illness, addiction,  or ignorance work against us as we try to grow. A few of us were carried away from our original patch of earth by war, or adoption, or a dream of a better life to unknown soil. Yet all of us were planted by the same hand. Isn't knowing that a nice way to kick off some new relationships? 

Facing Our Fears

Wow! Warnings about 'gators and snakes just a few yards apart!  It was an eerie kind of welcome to Louisiana yesterday afternoon. In spite of the warnings you can see that it is a beautiful spot. Normally in the face of such beauty I would want to explore a bit but bayous give me the creeps. I am unreasonably afraid of snakes and the idea of one dropping down on me from above is just more than I can handle. So, though I know that there is stunning beauty in the bayou, I will settle for the PBS version of this extraordinary scenery.

Snakebit

This week I heard a story that got me thinking. . .It involved a pair of moms, a gaggle of kids and a road trip to nowhere.  The dad who told me about it said, in true Texas fashion,  "It was already snakebit, might as well turn around and go home."  I laughed and shook my head, because I knew exactly what he meant. We've all hit those places where we know without a doubt that it is time to throw in the towel, when nothing good can be wrung from a situation. We've looked for the lesson, the quick fix, the silver lining, the funny side and it's just not there. The cost-benefit analysis comes up with "snakebit."

Kids run into those situations too: the friend who doesn't reciprocate or respect, the skill that only more talent could improve, the grade that just isn't going to make it past a B or the SAT score that won't pass 2000, no matter how many times the test is taken.  I see a lot of parents who are loathe to let their kids throw in the towel in these situations.  They believe that with just a little more encouragement, their child can rise above the current adversity.  In their cost-benefit analysis they forget to factor in wear-and-tear on the child's self-esteem.

In my competitive suburban environment, a lot of young people don't believe their best is good enough.  They measure their worth by their achievements in physics or tennis.  They don't understand that 93 and 99 are both A's and that after their first semester of college no one will ever care again what grade they got in high school algebra.  And because they don't understand this, and because their sense of worth is attached to their achievements, they don't take time to try things for fun; things that could become grand passions for life: dancing, water-skiing, reading for pleasure, cooking, playing games or a new instrument.  After all, in their world, failure is not an option.  Throwing in the towel is not an acceptable choice.

Now I'm not advocating that you should just let your kids quit - perseverance does build skills for life.  I fully support all you parents who refused to let your freshman quit band camp and hang out at the pool this week.  It's hot and miserable and I'll bet they wanted to, but you knew they would regret that decision by the first football game.  Your child made a commitment to the marching band and you held him to it.  I just want to remind you that cost-benefit analysis matters in your kid's world too. Not every goal is worthy.  Or reasonable.  Sometimes close IS good enough. And some things ARE just "snakebit."

I worship a God of second chances.  A God who desires abundant life, not needless sacrifice.  One who stayed the course because I can't.  A God who understood that creation was "snakebit" and imperfect and loved it anyway.  I think that's a pretty good parental model to try and emulate!

Waiting and Wanting

When I talk with older folks, well, older than me, I hear a recurring opinion about young people - they don't appreciate anything! There is some truth to this - especially that they don't appreciate any THING. I think that most people under 35 have had a lot of stuff in their short lives. And they aren't impressed. Stuff is just stuff for the most part. Most of them have known very little want or wait for things, and so they don't appreciate things, as we, who have experienced want and wait, do.

When I talk with younger people, I hear a recurring opinion about older people - they don't appreciate the value of my time! And, this is also somewhat true. People my age and older routinely call meetings to settle matters that could be handled by e-mail. We often try to handle things by e-mail that would be more easily managed by phone or face-to-face. Most of us were not hurried from early childhood on, and so we don't appreciate the value of time as our younger friends do.

My daughter recently, and casually, dropped the phrase "feast and fast" into a conversation we were having. I've been chewing on that for a couple of weeks - you can't enjoy the feast without the fast. And what is fast but wanting and waiting. Fasting is practice from days gone by that has never, truly, been part of many people's lives beyond observation of other cultures. In many places around the world, people only eat meat on special occasions. A feast day is truly a feast day! Here in the U.S., we have been so richly blessed that we feast all the time. The media is full of reports about American obesity but I think this continual feasting has also impacted our character. Living life without want or wait affects us in interesting ways.

Living without want can make us, ironically, insatiable, or "unsatisfiable". Without a true hunger there is no true satisfaction. This creates an opportunity for other people to tell us what we want – advertisers and the media regularly tell us we would be happier "if only". Yet when we get what they suggest, we remain unsatisfied.

Living without wait makes us impatient, demanding and thoughtless. We medicate ourselves with text messages, phone calls or i-pods, just to make it through the wait in line at the post office or the bank.

Young friends, perhaps it would bless you and your children to fast from something (TV, sugar, technology?) occasionally. They, and you, will learn a little more appreciation. My dear older friends, perhaps it would bless you and your families if you could see time together a little more as a feast to be savored. You might learn to appreciate the gift of time a little more.

Nature fasts and feasts - there are times of drought and times of rain; times of abundance and times of scarcity. Maybe it's helpful to assume that this is part of God's plan for creation and join in the feast-fast cycle of creation. It might help us understand one another better!

Where has all the water gone?

It rained here yesterday. . . and as rain fell from the sky I went to the tap and filled a container to water a plant on my deck. No kidding. I felt pretty sheepish as I poured the water on the plant. Over the years my water consumption has fluctuated a lot - in recent years I've grown a bit careless.

I try to be a reasonably good steward of everything but I really take water for granted. Recently, I read that while three-fourths of the planet is covered in water, only one percent of that water is freshwater "suitable for consumption by humans." Hmmm. . . for the benefit of my children and hoped-for future grandchildren I should maybe think a little bit more about water consumption. So, I did a little research and learned many other interesting/frightening/appalling and questionable statistics. You won't want to read all of that, but one thing that I learned is worth sharing. We all have a water "footprints" (don't you love that image?!) composed of the water we consume directly (for drinking, bathing, laundering, etc.) and our indirect, or virtual, water consumption (for irrigation, manufacturing, energy) . Careful direct water usage doesn't guarantee a small water footprint.

Confused? Here's what virtual consumption looks like: a meal that includes meat uses hundreds of times as much water as one that doesn't because it takes water to grow the feed that is fed to the animal. More water is used to prepare and package the meat before it ever arrives at the market. Making the packaging consumes still more water. Even more surprising - drinking a beverage other than water has mind-boggling ratios: the next best choice is tea which takes 90 liters of water to produce .75 liters of tea. Coffee (my beverage of choice which will now be savored instead of inhaled) takes 9 times that much water to produce a CUP! Water is the only 1:1 option.

So what do we want to tell our children about water usage? Is it OK to use as much as we like because it's abundant here in North America and recycles itself through the water cycle? Must I ration everything to be a good steward? Children need to understand that water is God's creation; it is a gift to us from God. We are blessed to live where water is plentiful. From there I think it follows that we should teach our children, and ourselves, to use water with deep gratitude. When I am truly grateful I treasure the gift and the giver. Using the gift connects me to the giver. Teaching gratitude for water is another way we can connect our children to God in daily life.

Swim, and drink, gratefully - the water is a gift from the God who loves you!